Dream On
by togepilover
Summary: Finally! An update after over a year. Van falls into a trippy escapade of internal discovery after an event destroys his faith in his work. VanBillie kinda
1. Default Chapter

I don't own Fastlane. Since its not on anymore if they want they can sell me the rights for $5. I can spare that much. That's pretty much all I can afford though. I make no profit off of this. Rated R for SEXUAL SITUATIONS. No children allowed ! Nothing too graphic. and sorry slashers. No Slash is contained herein. This is hot man on woman action all the way. 

This story is set after the finale but an indeterminate time down the road.

Dream On

Chapter 1

Van woke up with a start. What the hell? This was the third night in a row. Dream. Billie. Naked. Sexual. It's not uncommon to have erotic dreams about beautiful women. It's not uncommon to have erotic dreams about your boss when she's a beautiful woman. Billie on her knees before him, her hands on his belt buckle, working efficiently and quickly to de-pants him, passion leading him to pick her up like a rag doll and push her onto the couch, furniture overturned, clothes ripped, raw need driving them on. Okay, gotta stop thinking about it. Van ran a hand through his hair as he sat up in bed. He glanced over. His girl didn't seem to notice. Hillary still slept soundly. He guessed she chalked it up to cops say odd things in their sleep. Sweet girl, shame he was beginning to think he wasn't good enough for her. Maybe that wasn't the wording. It's not like Billie was a lesser person or that he was even good enough for her. It was just he didn't have a job, Van Strummer had a lifestyle. A girl who was sweet and trusting like Hilary was an easy target. He worried every day since they'd started seeing each other if she was going to be a target. He tried to see her in public very little, which hurt, but it kept her safer. Then there were some things on a case he just...well he had to do. He didn't necessarily like it. He didn't necessarily not like it. Making love and sex are too different things. On the job he ran into situations that he may have been required to have sex. He rationalized it that his job never called for him to make love. Billie understood. She had to hit it with a mark. She knew that "you do what ya gotta do." So far he hadn't been asked to cross the line lately but it was only a matter of time. Then he didn't know how his button-down "guest services specialist" would take it. Sleep was the last thing on his mind now. He was restless. He glanced over at her before getting out of bed and putting his clothes on. She stirred a little. Van pulled his jacket on. She shifted and opened her eyes. His heart softened a little. "Hey, baby. I can't sleep. I didn't want to wake you." She smiled sleepily. 

"All right. Are you going to go drive?" He smiled. She knew him already. The road always soothed him. Maybe it was a flight instinct or control, but he never felt more at ease than in the car. 

"Yeah," he said softly. "I'll call you later." He kissed her softly on the top of her head and slipped out of the dark apartment. 

Once outside Van let out a breath he didn't recall holding. His 1970 Chevelle waited patiently for his return. He slid comfortably inside the cab, feeling more at ease. He turned the key and the engine roared to life in a way he found strangely re-assuring. He easily twirled the wheel and whipped out of the parking spot. He resisted the urge to squeal the tires as he left. He was still in "her world" now. Once he was out of cheery conformist rental areas of the lower middle class he would be free. 

He drove through L.A. at typical breakneck speed towards the Candy Store. No one should be there at this late hour. It seemed like hours before he reached the Candystore. Realistically the drive was only 15 minutes. He knew because he always left 30 minutes before he was supposed to be there and arrived at least 15 minutes before the hour. He loved his job, lived for it. Part of him guiltily wanted to savor his dream in private. Van flipped the lights on as he walked in. The array of "toys" were lit up. It still took his breath away. He still thought he was one of the luckiest guys in the universe to have this job. Fast cars, the bling-bling lifestyle, beautiful women, and constant excitement were all part of his job description. He walked over and flopped onto the leather sofa. He put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. 

"Is this what you want, Van?" Billie's sultry voice cut through the silence. Her short skirt had a long slit up the side. His leg was trapped between her thighs. He couldn't focus with her cherry red lips so close to his ear. Breath tickled at the lobe. Her hands dragged upward along his chest. She tossed her hair closing the distance between their lips. Her hands moved slowly up to cradle his face. Her head tilted, lips parted as she moved closer...

Crash! That was when Van woke up. He was dangling halfway off the sofa. His head had made contact with the ground. He swore under his breath as he pulled himself all of the way onto the floor. The plush rug wasn't too uncomfortable. He looked back and forth for a moment. The gears turned in his head. He sat up and tipped the coffee table on its side. "OH yeah," he said reclining once again, hands behind his head. He grinned from ear to ear. It was then he heard the tell-tale sound of keys in the lock. He attempted to get up but the "intruder" was too quick for him. 

"What the HELL are you doing, Van?" Billie asked in a tone that made him wonder if she really wanted to know. 

"Uh.." he started..

"Do you have a girl in here? Did you bring the girl from the case back here? I can't ever trust you not to hit it with the mark! Where is she? You have to get her out of here. The case-" 

"Uh, Billie," Van started, "there's no girl here." 

She looked relieved. "Oh...then what the-...nevermind. I don't WANT to know." She quietly dropped the subject and started taking file folders out of a box she had brought to her desk. 

"Look, Billie, I had problems sleeping at home so I'm going to crash here a little while."

"Great, you won't disturb me then." She took a highlighter from a coffee cup on her desk. 

"What the Hell are you doing here so early, anyway? " Van asked in a frustrated tone.

"I could ask the same of you," Billie replied as she opened the first file.

"I just told you," Van said staring at the ceiling.

"Nothing exotic, too much work, too little time. End of story." 

"You sure know how to take the drama out of everything, Billie." Van closed his eyes and sank into the cushions. Not so strangely, he found it easier to sleep when she was there. She absent-mindedly began to hum as she worked. The soothing sound lulled him to sleep in a matter of minutes. 

The clock struck eight and Van sat bolt upright. Billie was midway through the stack of folders she had brought in. He looked back and forth slowly recalling how he ended up on the Candy Store couch versus his own bed or Hilary's. It all came back slowly. Interrupted sleep always tended to make events seem surreal when sandwiched between two naps. 

It was strangely comfortable here. This place was safe, protected, a haven. He watched Billie with fascination. She played with her hair as she started to look more and more irritated. Her low cut top was also showing a generous amount of skin. Van couldn't help but take in the view. He tried to memorize every detail for a later time. 

"Dammit, I fucking hate paperwork!" Billie exclaimed out of the blue. Van looked up from her cleavage to her face quizzically. From the look in her eye he could tell she knew he'd been watching her. Blue met green for a guilty moment. "And where the fuck is Deaq?"

As if on cue Deaq walked in right then. He felt Billie's and Van's eyes on him. There was tension in the room. He was sure of it. "What's up, playa? Boss?" he said trying to lighten the mood. 

"Glad to see you're in such a great mood, Deaq, because the two of you have ten plus hours of surveillance duty today." Both of the agent's hearts' sank at those words. As men of action surveillance was not their favorite gig. They glanced at each other in dismay as Billie continued talking. "The coke smuggler you guys busted last week had a partner in crime. Word on the street is something big is going down at the docks tomorrow. If it's happening tomorrow there's going to be a buzz today. I can't get back up for that unless we're sure this is the big one. We can't afford to bust him on something petty or he'll be back on the street in no time. We want him done for good. Understand?" 

Both of them nodded in somber agreement. "Good. If you need me, call. I'll be working on getting any more information I can. Now, get going!"

As the two men walked away Deaq broke the silence first. "Man, this is a bum assignment! Rookies could do this. Why are we stuck on this?"

"I don't know, Deaq. I'm sure she's got a good reason. We blend in a lot better, too. Billie wouldn't send us out without a reason." 

"Why are you so up on this? I don't get you. Why aren't you questioning this?" Deaq said staring him down. 

"Look, I'm not happy either. I have to call Hilary and tell her I'm stuck working late AGAIN, for the third night this week, and 'saving the world' is not always going to work as an explanation. Someday I'm going to have to tell her more than just 'I'm a cop.' Each time we get stuck on something like this I'm a step closer to that day. It isn't worth questioning Billie though," Van said 

"If we do, then we just get nailed harder," Deaq said nodding. 

"Exactly," Van said reaching for the car door. "Now let's get to this before she finds some other errand for us to do while we're stuck there."

After thirteen grueling hours of surveillance Van and Deaq were on edge. Nothing suspicious at all was spotted. "That's it! I can't take it anymore! Obviously nothing is happening. I have Hilary waiting for me and I have just wasted 13 hours of my life I will never be able to get back!" 

Deaq felt similar but kept a cool exterior. He took a bizarre joy in watching his partner get bent out of shape over things. He found the effect was more dramatic if he stayed calm. Van could practically throw a tantrum until there was a reaction. "You wanna call Billie then?" Deaq said extending his cell phone to Van. 

Van hesitated glancing at the small device. They had talked to her several times in the last few hours. She had a strong feeling on this and wanted them to stick to it. Neither of them wanted to call her and tell her they'd had it. She was their boss. Despite their faith in her this situation was looking more like a wash by the second. Van's unending dedication to appease her was the drive that usually led him to stick to her basic plan. He had to do things his own way but overall he did what he was told. The execution wasn't always what she had in mind but it was the thought that counted. "It's up to you, Playa. If we stick to this I'm just using it as ammo to get a three day weekend. Then again I don't have a pretty girl waiting in my hotel room." 

"I'll do it," Van snapped, taking the phone from Deaq's hand. He punched in the speed dial and Billie took her sweet time answering. He hated to admit it but there was always a slight panic when she didn't pick up right away. He remembered the times she hadn't answered because she was in trouble or hurt. Every memory brought pain. He always did a silent prayer in those 30 seconds before she picked up that she was all right. 

"Anything?" Billie answered obviously tense and on edge. 

"No, Billie. Nothing, just like the first twelve hours we were out here. Nothing is going down tonight."

"I had good sources on this one! I just got off the phone with one of my contacts and he said anytime." 

"I don't see it, and frankly I'm not sitting through it anymore tonight. Neither is Deaq. We're leaving." Van said in a harsh tone. 

Billie hesitated and got ready to launch into one of her usual tirades. Instead she took a deep breath. "All right. I'll take over. Can you two wait around until I get there?" 

"All right, but hurry. I'm kinda trying to salvage my evening." Van looked over at Deaq. If Deaq could set Van off by playing it cool Billie was ten times worse. She wouldn't play it cool though. She'd yell, then he'd yell. Then they'd stare each other down, wave their arms a lot, stare some more then Van would usually back down. It was pretty funny to watch. Sometimes he'd try to lead them into it just to watch the cycle of yell/yell/stare/arms waving/stare/Van backs down. "She'll be here in a few minutes to take over. As soon as she shows up we're free." 

"Good deal, man. I didn't know you had it in you to stand up to her." 

"Just had to tell her how it is." Van knew he wasn't fooling anyone. Billie always won. 

After twenty minutes of nothing at the docks again Billie pulled up a discrete distance away. Deaq's cell phone rang within a few seconds. He flipped the phone open. "Yeah, Billie?"

"Good night, you boys have fun and stay out of trouble." 

"Of course, Billie."

"Just have the coffee on when I come in. It'd going to be a hell of a morning." 

"Will do, boss. Anything you want to say to Van?"

"Yeah, tell him not to try any of that telling me how it is bullshit again or he's getting his ass kicked." 

"All right, good luck." Deaq closed up the phone and turned to Van who was looking at him expectantly. "What are you waiting for? Let's get out of here!" 

After dropping Deaq off Van was eager to get back home. He had uncertainties about Hilary but her promise of "something special" and to wait up for him at his hotel room momentarily distracted him. He found himself speeding more the closer he got to the hotel. He screeched into the parking lot. The elevator ride took forever. He found himself tapping his foot and checking his hair and teeth in the metal of the elevator. It was good that he was alone in the elevator because he figured he'd do both even if another was present. The satisfying ding signaled he was at his floor. He confidently stepped out of the elevator unaware his high was on the verge of ending. 

He walked up to the door of his room key card in hand. He opened the door and found it dark inside. "Hilary?" he called out hesitantly. He heard muffled crying and immediately panicked. He quickly tried to find the light switch and flipped it on as soon as his hand made contact. One of his worst nightmares had come true. He followed a trial of destruction. Drawers were open, pictures crooked or off the walls. Broken glass littered the floor. His gut was telling him the worst was yet to come. In the bedroom it took a minute to find her. The sheets were ripped off the bed. Faint blood stains were on the white pillows. That was just part of the major crime. Hilary was curled up in a ball in the corner. She was shaking. She wore only a ripped babydoll nightgown. Her eyes were rimmed in black partially from eyeliner and partially because of an injury obviously meant to hurt him. She was bruised all over her legs, face and arms. Her hair hung down around her face but her eyes accused him. He made a move closer to try to protect her from any more harm but she jerked back.

"Don't touch me! Don't come near me! Haven't you done enough?" She cried. 

His mind raced a mile a minute. "Baby, it's me. It's Van. I'm going to take you to the hospital, we're going to call the cops and-" 

"Call them now! I'm not going anywhere with you. This is your fault! He did this to me because of you!" Her eyes were full of hatred now. He tried not to think about it as he dialed for an ambulance. She was obviously in shock. She was a smart girl, but probably too petrified her attacker would come back to call or seek help. His words came out jumbled to the dispatcher. Hilary sniffled and continued shaking. He tried to give her a blanket from the closet thinking the cops would want the bedding on the mattress for evidence. He wasn't going to be able to nail this guy. He would kill that son of a bitch if he found him. For those reasons he knew Bille and Deaq would be watching him closely. He waited for the police to show up. Hilary finally started trying to cover up more. He was thankful she seemed to be recovering a little. Unfortunately her contempt for him didn't lessen. 

An ambulance showed up within ten minutes. As she was taken away one policeman was dispatched to stay with her while another stayed to question Van. The cop wasn't much older than he was, probably pretty new. He looked the young cop in the eye and said "Contact Lieutenant. Willamina Chambers." 

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Any silly nit picky errors (re: cars, etc) I don't want to hear it. Reviews? Always appreciated. 

If you like I'll post the next chapter. If not this fic will rot in oblivion as a cliffhanger (just like the show.)


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Fastlane. Since its not on anymore if they want they can sell me the rights for $5. I can spare that much. That's pretty much all I can afford though. I make no profit off of this. Rated R for SEXUAL SITUATIONS. No children allowed ! Nothing too graphic. and sorry slashers. No Slash is contained herein. This is hot man on woman action all the way. 

Thank you so much for the reviews! Mystical3, Lelann37, & Pinky666 thank you for your support. This is for all of you! 

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Chapter 2

After hours of grueling phone tag and unanswered questions Van was in a daze. He held a paper coffee cup from a vending machine in his hand. The poor excuse for a cappucino was now cold but he didn't care. He saw a familiar face enter the waiting room. Deaq quickened his pace as soon as he spotted Van. "Van! Is she all right? Is she going to be okay?" Concern was evident in the other man's eyes.

"I guess. She doesn't want to talk to me. She won't see me. The rape therapist say she'll probably realize this isn't my fault but part of me kinda feels like it is." Van looked down at the table avoiding eye contact. With a sigh he looked up. "Any word on a suspect? The cops won't give me any details." 

"She told the LAPD it was a white male, bleach blond hair, skinny." 

" That could be fucking Eminem. That's half the nameless henchmen we bust on a daily basis." Van's eyes were pleading and desperate. "We've gotta nail this guy." 

"I know, dog, forensic team is hoping to lift some prints, there's surveillance all over that hotel. We'll bust this guy..." Deaq was worried by the lost look in Van's eyes. 

"But it still won't change the fact that she hates me. It still won't change that fact that this happened to her. Hilary was a sweet girl. She wasn't part of 'the life'. She has no record or rap sheet. Hell, I think she feels guilty working on Sundays. "

"No one deserves this, Van." 

"She's the greatest thing to happen to me in a long time and the only reason she got messed up was because of me." 

"We've gone over this. The lives we save, the people we protect are greater than those who get hurt. Think of the victims that never happen because of every low life we put behind bars."

"I just don't know anymore. I'm heading out to get a room. Me and Jose are going to ponder all of that. I'll check you later, Deaq." 

"Check you later, man." Deaq sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair for another minute before removing his cell phone from his pocket. He pressed the speed dial. "Billie, Van's not doing real well. I'd run a check on his credit card in a bit just to see where he's staying and one of us can stop by and check on him tomorrow." 

The fifth of Jose Cuervo was three quarters empty as the sun light crept through cheap blinds to meet Van's eyes. The accommodations were not as posh as his previous hotel. Valet parking and a mini bar there was not. He was lucky to get a complimentary bar of soap and a shoe mitt. Momentarily he wondered if his car was still outside or whether someone might have stolen it. Van dismissed those thoughts though. Even if it was taken cars were replaceable. Morning was already upon him and he hadn't slept a wink. Jose had barely dulled him. He was still aware of the pain. The guilt hit him hardest. Van hesitated momentarily and then reached for his cell phone. He pulled a crumpled paper out of his pocket with the hospital phone number on it and dialed clumsily. After a few moments he reluctantly ended the call. She had already checked out an hour earlier. With that his last hope that she would call for him to pick her up was gone. She meant it. She really hated him. With that last thought he downed another dose of Jose Cuervo straight from the bottle and reclined onto the cheap mattress. His eyes stared trying to decipher a message from the cracks in the ceiling but only for a moment as he passed out. 

Van woke up straddling a chair. His arms were folded, his head resting on his hands. The room was dark with only his chair and a table in it. The light was coming from a small barred window. He noticed a door as well but though it had barred glass no light came through. It looked very much like rooms suspects were interviewed in. What had he done? He hadn't drank enough to black out. He glanced around the room again and noticed the far corner was too dark to see into. Then a figure stepped out. Dressed in tall stiletto heels, black flared pants and a sheer black top stood his boss, Billie Chambers. 

The floral pattern of the sheer top entwined in itself stretching around her pale skin. Her arms were folded and her hair was smartly pulled back. "Hello, Van. We meet again." 

"Of course we do. You're my boss. I see you like every day." Van said exasperated. He truly had no idea how he had gotten there. He rested his chin on the chair back. She walked around the table running one finger along the table top. Van's eyes were drawn to the greater amount of skin exposed along her back. He could see most of the curve of her spine and noticed a distinct lack of undergarments. Her heels clacked over the floor as she turned and sat on the table facing him. 

"It's not your fault, you know." Billie said looking him in the eye. "You can't blame yourself for everything. Deaq's brother, Hilary...you weren't the one who did it. Technically you are as responsible for her as she was for you getting dosed." 

"I appreciate your concern, Billie. I really do. But it ain't working. What we do might help a lot of people but to everyone close to me...I don't know what I can do to protect them anymore. I'm worrying every minute about being followed, people being kidnapped for ransom, people being made examples of. What happens when they play hardball and you or Deaq ends up on the short end ?" Van let out a frustrated laugh. "I don't know if I can keep doing it." 

"Deaq and I can take care of ourselves. If not I know you'd save us." She ruffled his hair playfully. "Van, look at me," she said tilting his chin up towards her face. "We need you." Blue met green for a second too long. A forgotten vision of sweaty bodies, hungry kisses and intense desire hit him. The enticing vision of her body distracted him. He hesitated then tore his vision away from her. 

"I can't do this forever." 

"No one said you had to. But I need you now. I've felt like you before. I've wondered if it was all worth it. Maybe we need to do something for our own good for once. Do you want to leave it behind? Do you want to walk out that door and never look back, Van? " Billie said. He rose from the chair and pulled her closer. He rested his head against her shoulder as she stroked his hair soothingly. This wasn't the Billie he knew. At this moment he didn't care. He realized this wasn't real. This wasn't his boss. This wasn't where he was. But as sparse tears flowed down his cheek, at that moment, it ceased to matter. 

End Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Fastlane. I do not lay any claim to any character in this story. I make no money off of this. They are all property of Fox as far as I know. This story is rated R for hot man on woman action. No slash contained herein. This chapter is pretty clean but the previous ones need to be read for it to make sense and they are rated higher so....yeah. No one under 17 please. 

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Chapter 3

Billie hesitated outside his door before she knocked. A flashing of her badge at the front desk had gotten Van's room number. She had been here before on previous occasions for busts, arrests, and to meet informants. She gently knocked but wasn't surprised when he didn't answer. She reached for the door knob and was surprised to find that the door was unlocked. The room was not much to look at. The walls had cracks and she could almost hear the scuttle of roaches. The cheap carpeting was full of cigarette burns and worn through in some spots. Van was nowhere to be seen. Billie decided to wait and see if he'd return. An empty tequila bottle sat on the nightstand. She laid on the bed and turned on the television. Halfway through an exciting program on prairie dog towns Van entered the room with a brown bag in hand. Billie turned towards him. "The front desk tipped me off that a cop was waiting for me but I told him I'd handle it," Van said unsheathing a bottle from the paper bag. He didn't even look at her. 

"Deaq told me you weren't doing well." 

"Well.." The delay in his response, the clumsiness of his movement...it was as Billie feared. He was drunk already. "Did you really think after what happened everything was just going to be peaches and cream? I mean think about it, Billie. Think about the worry, the rejection, the guilt, and the anger." He counted off on his fingers. "Now roll it up with a healthy dose of complete and total self-loathing. For a person who is supposed to 'serve and protect' I can never seem to protect those I love." 

"There's someone I want you to talk to, Van. Maybe he can help you find a healthy way to deal with this." Billie knew Van shied away from help. She was fighting a losing battle. "You're not alone. Deaq and I are here for you when you're ready." 

"Well maybe I'd rather be alone. Then you or Deaq or anyone connected to you guys won't get hurt because of me. I couldn't save Deaq's brother. I could barely help you." Van was letting himself become vulnerable. The Billie in front of him was far more intimidating than the one in his subconscious. The fitted t-shirt and stone-washed jeans she wore were more girl-next-door than sensual vixen. The tennis shoes definitely weren't screaming sexy temptress either. She was still a lot more than he could handle. The Billie in his dreams was merely a reflection of his desires. He had some control over her. This Billie, though somewhat predictable, scared the Hell out of him. She wouldn't bend to his whims. She wouldn't back down because he "couldn't handle it."

Billie was losing her patience. Though concerned she found it hard to suppress her anger. "If you want to be a coward and wallow in your 'woe is me' attitude and self-pity I can't help you. I should order you to see a therapist. I am giving you a choice just like I did when I recruited you. You have to make the decision." She could see he was angry at her for getting angry with him. She probably shouldn't have lashed out. It was too late now though. 

"Billie, I think you need to leave." Van wouldn't meet her eyes. "I don't think you understand what I am going through. I need some time alone." 

"So you can self-destruct? Or go vigilante and take this guy out? Van, you need us now-"

"Don't tell me what I need!" He still wouldn't look up at her. "Just go. Please." Billie looked at him hesitantly. She realized her anger was driving him further away. Instead of complying with his request she got closer to him. She placed a hand on the bare flesh of his shoulder. She could feel him shaking. 

"Van," she said in a soft voice. "Please consider this. You're part of a team. A team supports each other in times of need. We need you as much as you need us." She didn't know where such a cheesy line had come from. Reaching out to criminals and turning them into informants had caused her to utter a few. In his emotional state it looked like Van could use some of that cheese about now. He continued to face away from her. His hands rested on a worn dresser. His eyes were cast downward and his breathing was still ragged and uneven. A drunk Van was not a good thing she decided. As she started to walk away Van swiftly turned towards her capturing her shoulders in his hands. He looked at her with that haunted look. It was a look of loss and hopelessness she had known all too well. In a state of shock she still managed to suppress the immediate urge to jerk away. He searched her eyes. Her own were wide and searching as well. He moved a hand up to her cheek. Billie closed her eyes briefly. His hand was rough on her smooth skin. He moved towards her lips and began to lean in. She could feel his breath which reeked of liquor. For a moment her pulse rose and she almost gave in. 

"Van." She said it quietly. Barely a whisper, yet still he stopped. "I think we should keep things professional." She backed away. Her face was flushed. She pushed her way out of the hotel room quickly. Billie hurried halfway down the hall and then slowed her pace as she passed the front desk. She walked out unsure if she had done more harm than good. 

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"Deaq, I blew it!" Billie sat at her desk in the Candystore biting her lip. She had decided it was better not to disclose to Deaq all that had transpired inside the hotel room. 

"Why does that not surprise me?" Deaq replied. Deaq knew how hard it was for Billie to show compassion.

"He needed comfort. He needed someone to re-assure him that the world isn't all a crazy fucked up mess. He needed to know people with hearts live and breath and need protection."

"If you knew all of this why didn't you tell him?" Deaq really wondered about her sometimes. A momentary hesitation before she answered caused him to believe there was more that she wasn't willing to tell him.

"Because I don't have a heart! I'm jaded and suspicious. I deal with criminals. I protect the good people by kicking the ass of bad people. I don't make the good people feel good. I'm more of a negative reinforcement kind of person."

"So all of those little heart to hearts you've had with me have been a farce? All rehearsed lines to get me to do what you want?" Deaq said this neutrally while lifting an eyebrow.

Billie knew her softer side was caught. What could she say? She had few soft spots, but she definitely had one for the boys. "Yeah, pretty much."

"And your informants whom you helped to turn their lives around, letting Cassidy go, and your concern when either Van or I were sick or injured...all of this is a ploy in your great mission to 'kick ass.' None of it was compassion, mercy, or tenderness?"

"Right on all counts, Deaq." 

"I don't buy it. I don't buy it one bit." 

"Well that's just too bad because you are now going to have to be Mr Sensitive." Billie grinned at him. 

"Oh no, Deaq doesn't work that way." Billie just kept looking in his direction with a cheshire grin. 

"You better learn fast."

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The coastline always fascinated Van. Surfing had been his first love. A great appreciation for the waves accompanied this. Visually it was soothing. When things got difficult Van drove. When things got really difficult Van drove to the ocean. Cares and worries seemed to melt in the blue green depths. They were buried beneath the white foam as the waves would come in. Memories of good times watching the sun come up, bonfires and surf betties would come to mind. Some were so vivid he could almost taste saltwater. Memories of a youth that in retrospect seemed so much more carefree than it really had been haunted him. So many questions still clamored for attention in his mind. "Are you happy?" "Is this what you want?" "Is this it?" "Is it all worth it?" All these questions echoed over and over at fever pitch as the booze wore off. But all of them also seemed to be drowned out by the crashing of the surf. 

Billie stayed silent. She concentrated on the road. She was more of a guide on a fucked up tour of Van's mind. It was better this way. The teal foreign convertible was not his style. She seemed to be intimately familiar with the vehicle. He could tell by the way she shifted in perfect harmony with the car. The engine would purr just right each time she shifted in a quiet thank you to her ability. This was a car to be handled well and she did just that. It wasn't a touchy or delicate vehicle so much as one that demanded a certain amount of skill to handle properly. 

Her eyes were a million miles away. They shone like translucent pools in the fading afternoon light. He wondered what troubled her. She was the strong one though. Like a child to a parent he feared when Billie was troubled but was too cowardly to ask what was on her mind. He wanted her to always be strong. She always had courage and inspiration. If Billie questioned their work he could no longer have faith. Billie was everything that was strong. Even when injured or backed in a corner she never showed her fear. He admired and resented her ability to hide her emotions so well. It was a truly useful skill but one that was hard to unlearn. 

He thought of Hilary now. She was so different. She was so naive. He felt ashamed thinking of her now as he glanced at Billie whom was solely focused on the road now. He recalled their first meeting. He was serving as her protector then. He should have been able to protect her always. Flashbacks of slow dancing and a red dress came to him. Hands touched and in that moment he had felt it. The emotion, the attraction of two creatures of different worlds had manifested. Yet still he didn't trust her and she didn't trust him. Maybe it was better that way. He looked back at Billie now. She was pulling her sunglasses out. The sunset would be blinding soon. She slid them down and glanced at him over the lenses before returning her gaze to the road. "Just a little longer, Van."

"I've been saying that for years," he replied leaning further back in his seat. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

I am sorry it took so long to write! The holiday season is finally over so I have a bit more time on my hands. Between getting my first real Christmas tree in my first real house to seeing Bob Guiney play the day after Christmas to drinking myself stupid on New Years Eve I've been kinda busy. I hope this chapter fits seamlessly with the others. It had some minor rewrites and I didn't get a fool proof-read in. I will try to update soon. Thank you to everyone who has been reading from your favorite Eastown party girl!


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Fastlane. I merely TiVo it off G4 and curse at the bad breaking spots they pick for commercials. I also do not own "Creeper Kamikaze" by The Exies. They are a helluva band so check them out. Sorry it's been literally like a year since I updated this. I am going to proof read this again later so don't mind the errors. It's 2:11 AM and I have work tomorrow.

Chapter 4

Deaq acted casual as he walked through the hotel entrance. The swagger in his step gave off a look of confidence. He observed coolly all that was around him without looking as if he was searching. It had been days now since Van had run. He was beginning to worry his partner might never come back. A grimy looking man behind the front desk looked up at him from behind a newspaper. He was greasy in a way that wasn't purely physical. Sizing Deaq up and smirking at his mix of designer khakis, dress shoes and ghetto dew rag, he spoke. "If you're another cop looking for the scrawny kid with the wannabe mullet and watermelon green car he checked out of here this morning. He must have run the liquor stores dry and moved on to greener pastures." At this point Mr. Greasy Hotel Guy resumed reading his newspaper.

"Any idea where he went?" Deaq was exasperated. He knew Van would do this. He knew he'd make him chase after him like an overdramatic girlfriend. After ten seconds of no response and the turn of a newspaper page Deaq tried again. "Yo, I asked you a question. Any idea where he went?"

The man looked irritated but he put his newspaper down once more. "Look, kid, if you haven't noticed we really aren't the kind of establishment that asks a lot of questions. How long would you and your hooker like this room? Will multiple parties of drug dealing gangsters be joining you later on? Would you enjoy a rollaway bed or two for the orgy you will be hosting at our fine establishment? People who come here don't want to be asked questions and I oblige them. Your buddy just kinda shoved the key at me this morning with a Benjamin rolled into the key chain and walked out. He didn't say a word and neither did I."

"Great. Just great." Deaq had only a few desperate ideas of where Van might have gone. "If he comes back call me right away." He said as he scribbled down his cell number. As Deaq held out the number the man cleared his throat. "Oh for Chrissakes…" he grumbled as he dug out a twenty to accompany the information. It was probably a waste anyways but Van out there running scared, disillusioned and erratic was a big problem. He didn't want to leave anything to chance. He figured he and Billie could put their heads together and figure out a direction to go in. He left the hotel and headed back to the Candy Store.

Billie pored over a stack of telephone transcripts from her coke smuggler case. There were hundreds of pages. There was little known and it had been a fluke that Van and Deaq had collared one of them. They had come through for her and she bit her lip thinking in their haste things might have gotten out of control. It was blowing up in their faces. While they had been sent a red herring concentrating on the docks one of their suspect's low level cronies had been sent to get personal. It was a sure demonstration that they could hit home..literally. She surmised that they had targeted Van because he was the most vulnerable. Poor Van..she really felt bad. Must be going soft in her old age. He was a cop through and through. She had recruited him specifically for his boy scout heart and low social dominance scores. She simultaneously resented and admired his ability to give out emotion so freely. He could lie to a mark and yet on some level be genuine. It gave him charm and believability. Those were priceless assets with the people they were dealing with. Too bad all of that feel good stuff was also his Achilles heel.

Deaq walked into the Candy Store with his usual swagger but Billie immediately could tell things were worse. "He skipped out, Billie. I need you to try and locate him."

"Well I called his cell phone but he turned it off yesterday. He hasn't turned it back on since so no GPS tracking. I can try to track him through his credit card again." She leaned over her computer. Several hundred keystrokes and ten minutes later Billie triumphantly displayed Van's Visa activity. "Great. He took seven hundred out of an ATM in the northern part of L.A. He knows we'd track him so now he's using cash. Well at least we know he didn't run off to Mexico."

"You never know, Billie. He's crafty enough he might do it and circle back just to put us off the scent."

"You're right. Christ, we've resorted to tracking him like a common criminal." Billie ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "I'm worried, Deaq. I don't think he's going to snap out of it this time. You don't think he'll do anything stupid, do you?"

"Billie, I have the utmost faith..that he probably will. Any luck digging up something with the cocaine smugglers?"

"No, none at all. Everything is deadly quiet with them. I'm afraid they've caught on to us. I didn't think it could be them before but now I'm sure they had to be involved with targeting Hilary."

The melody was haunting. A few bits and pieces of lyric came to him over the sound of the wind as it whipped past him. He was lost in the scenery. It was pristine and unreal. Van realized this was probably due to the fact he was lost in his own drunken hallucination. There had been no other cars on the road and the sun was hovering just above the horizon. It had been doing that for close to three hours now. He chided himself for focusing on the realities instead of getting lost in the serenity of his own dream.

_Where you're heading there is no return_

_You're Hell bent on a crash and burn_

It was like they were driving in circles. He didn't mind because he was in no particular hurry to get to wherever they were going. He was just enjoying this, enjoying the escape from where he was REALLY going.

_You think you're winning but you won't be free_

_Until you realize there's no enemy._

Billie, no scratch that, Dream Billie, smiled at him as she accelerated into a turn. This Billie didn't fight with him. She didn't bust his balls. She just enjoyed his company and offered to drive away with him.

_So live, live on through me _

_it's time to forget the creeper kamikaze_

He felt her downshifting the car as they slowed a small bit. The highest part of the cliffs was before them. The car roared up and shifted again. He watched her concentration with intense interest. Billie whipped the car around another hard turn. He felt it in the pit of his gut. She rounded a bend gunned it. He watched her more intently. Something was definitely happening. She slid the car to a stop from 75 mph and it stopped inches short a rail looking off from cliffs. She unbuckled her seat belt and looked at him with a wide grin. She opened the car door and hopped out. He followed and stood close behind her overlooking the waves below. He placed his hands on her hips. She turned to him not quite startled but only slightly surprised.

_And give,_

_give yourself to me _

_And everything you believe_

_It's the creeper kamikaze_

His gaze was steady and intense. Van studied this concoction of his mind. He had his share of romances. Emotions and passion ran high. No one knew whom to trust and he used the promise of a brief connection with another human being to pull the wool over the eyes of a mark more than once. In those circumstances things had been intense. This was ten times more so. For a moment looking into her eyes he pretended this was real. He pretended this wasn't the shredded pieces of a broken man attempting to gain some solace. Van placed his hands on either side of her face and gently tipped her face towards his. His eyelids grew heavy as he came closer to her.

_So forgive_

_The things you cannot hide_

_Cause when the truth comes in_

_Your soul opens wide_

Billie gasped as his lips made contact with hers. His hands became buried in her hair as their lips crushed against each other. One armed encircled his neck as the other tucked around his back. They leaned against the car as he swore his knees buckled. She was pulling him closer to her in a frantic need for intimacy. One hand dropped around her waist to pull her further against him. Their kiss had gone from passionate to electric. His whole body was affected. He held her against him like he was clinging on for dear life. In a way he was. There was nothing left to anchor him now. She was it.

_So live,_

_Live on through me_

_Its time to forgive_

_The creeper kamikaze_

_So forgive_

_So forgive _

_So forgive_


End file.
